A Rant...

So I've never used the blog for a rant before... but I'm doing it tonight... really it's a rant that will turn into a prayer request... so here goes:

I AM SICK OF BEING SICK!!!!

On December 17 I went to see an ENT in Birmingham b/c of sinus issues,
On December 22 I went to see a doctor in Hattiesburg because I had a sore throat and cough,
On December 30 I went to a doctor in Birmingham b/c I was still coughing,
Went to Guatemala... and was perfectly healthy January 5- 18,
On January 24 I went back to the doctor because I started coughing again 2 days after I came home from Guatemala...

Since December 17 I have taken/been prescribed:
2 steroid shots,
1 antibiotic shot,
3 antibiotics (pills),
2 antihistimines,
eye drops,
nose spray,
2 different cough medicines
(Totaling well over $250 just for meds)

Since December 17 I have had the following tests run:
2 chest xrays (December 30 and January 24),
3 blood samples,
2 strep tests,
2 flu tests

... and according to the tests... nothing is really wrong with me!!!!!

Chest xrays were clear, my most recent blood test (January 24) noted that my white blood cell count was elevated to 9000, (regular count is around 6-8, but they don't get worried unless it goes over 10.5) but all the other blood chems (or whatever they test for) were fine. I am having the ENT office run my blood sample they took as an allergy test to find out what I'm allergic to and if that could help me figure this out... but I don't have an appointment with him till the 15th.

I had the maintenance staff change the air filter in my apartment, and I'm going to get the one in my car changed as well. I also think I may go get some mold tester thing to see if it is something in my car/apartment... but I was sick at home (mississippi) too... so I really don't think it's my apartment.

For the most part I feel fine... but I have this constant cough that just gets on my nerves so bad. Right now I have a headache from coughing so much... and it does tire me out some. I missed work a day and a half this week b/c I was coughing so bad I thought it would be unprofessional to be hacking up a lung in my office. I have not gotten to the worried point yet... (though mom has) because the doctors have run so many tests, I'm just really annoyed!!

So... there's my rant explaining why I am asking anyone who is reading this to pray for me!! For healing, for wisdom in taking care of myself/ trying to figure out what is going on, for patience with myself (I know that sounds weird... but I can get mad at myself pretty easily), for help from medical professionals, etc... I'm just ready to get back to normal... and while I know that in the grand scheme of life a cough is not a big deal... it's totally interrupted my routine for nearly a month now (except for Guatemala... maybe I should just go back!), and I'm sick of it! I would appreciate prayer from anyone about this!

Also, another prayer request. A student worker of mine told me yesterday that her dad has brain cancer and he had surgery yesterday. I don't know his name, but her name is Sarah Tate. So please keep Sarah's dad and her family in your prayers. She is a freshman at Samford and luckily her family is only about 30 minutes away... but I know it is hard on her.

Thanks for your prayers and reading my rant!! Love y'all!

Regret...

regret /rɪˈgrɛt/[ri-gret]



–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.
2. to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth.
–noun
3. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
4. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
5. regrets, a polite, usually formal refusal of an invitation: I sent her my regrets.
6. a note expressing regret at one's inability to accept an invitation: I have had four acceptances and one regret.

I have 2 regrets in my life...

The first is that I lied to my team in Guatemala... We played a game one night where each person got to ask a question and everyone had to answer. I lied on my answer to "What is the one thing you regret most?" To my team, I'm sorry... I didn't think I could truly answer that question without totally breaking down... so here's the answer..


My biggest regret is something I can't think about without crying, and of course... it involves my dad. The last time I know that daddy could hear me was the night before he died... I didn't tell him I loved him, I didn't talk about how happy I was to have him in my life, and I didn't thank him for being the best daddy in the whole world. I joked with him about his hair falling out.


He smiled, and I know he knows (knew, whatever) that I loved him more than anyone else in the world... but I should have told him when I knew he could hear me. My problem was, until that very moment... it never crossed my mind that daddy would die from Leukemia. There had never been a doubt in my mind that he would beat his illness and live on to walk me down the aisle and love on the grandkids I hoped that he would one day have.

Now, those are two things I will never experience with my dad.

I know that me telling him I loved him would not have changed the outcome of his life. Because I know that when God makes a plan, He follows through with it... but I sure know it would have made me feel better if I would have said those words instead of being cowardly and joking with him. If you are wondering, I did get the chance to tell him I loved him before he died, when I saw him early the next morning... but I won't know till I see him again if he actually comprehended what I said... and that will follow me forever. I know he knew I loved him though... no one can ever doubt that.


So many times in our life we may ask the question, "Why Me Lord?" And most of the time when we ask that question it is during a time of tragedy or loss, or when it feels like God may be forgetting us. But today I was thinking about that question from a different perspective. Why did God choose to allow me to live and grow up in the US? Where I have never been victimized because of my gender, where I have certain rights that protect me, where I have never had to sleep out in the cold and have always had indoor plumbing and running water? Why did the Lord choose to bless me so much... when I don't deserve any of it?!!?


Later in the day... after thinking about that question... I heard a song I had never heard before and it was like God saying, "share it Kacey... share your thoughts on what's burdening you." My regret was my burden. I don't think I had told anyone... and well, now I've told everyone (everyone who is reading this anyway) about the regret I can never take back. The song, is "Why Me Lord," written by Kris Kristofferson and sung by Johnny Cash. Here are the lyrics:

why me lord?

what have i ever done,

to deserve even one,

of the Blessings i've known,

why me lord,

what did i ever do,

that was worth love from you,

for the kindness you've shown,

Lord help me Jesus,

i've wasted it so help me Jesus,

i know what i am,

but now that i know,

that i needed you so help me Jesus,

my soul's in your hand,

try me lord,

if you think there's a way,

that i can try to repay,

all i've taken from you,

maybe lord,

i can show someone else,

what i've been through myself,

on my way back to you,

Jesus, my soul's in your hands

Amen, Kris and Johnny... Amen.

My F/fathers and the fatherless...

Some of my new friends....

Checha

Maria and Carlos

Chente and Rebecca

Manuelita, Chelo, and Joshua

Jonny

Have you ever really thought about how an earthly father (the good ones at least) is truly a mirror image of our Lord. Here are a few points to support my theory:

1. A father gives you life and is (partially) your creator (in the literal sense... let's get biological here -you can't be created without a part of him)...

2. You are made in the image of your father ( if you share DNA you are bound to share similar qualities, for example - I got my dad's rediculously white skin than never tans, only burns!)...

3. A father is your teacher (whether it's changing a flat, scripture, hunting, or learning to buy generic)...

4. A father is your protector...

5. A father is wise...

6. A father is patient (I know this one holds true for Daddy and God in my case)...

7. A father is your provider (On earth, your father supplies you with food, clothes, etc... but your Father provides him with those resources)...

8. A father is your friend ( I mean, we all know the lyrics to "What a friend we have in Jesus")

9. A father gives you grace (God IS Grace!)...

10. A father is encouraging...

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Thinking about fathers, and how lucky I was to have an amazing one, makes me think about the amazing kids I met in Guatemala who live life without a father (and in some cases, both parents), as well as the people I worked with on my team. In so many ways... I saw several of these traits of a father displayed through those people. The kids and workers were my teachers and had a lot of patience with me as I spoke to them in Spanish. They provided me with information, joy, entertainment, and so much more. They protected me from any danger I might experience (Josue and Berta especially!). I made so many new friends on this trip... from the team I traveled with, to our translators and driver, to the kids and workers at Fundacion Salvacion.

I think more than anything, during the time I spent at the orphanage, I was encouraged by answered prayer and I experienced joy with the kids and my team.

Those kids reminded me what joy truly is.

Daddy always said that when you get to the end of your rope, look down, because there will always be someone else climbing up below you. These kids I was working with lived in a nice place and had workers who cared for them, and ultimately they were happy... but I know that I have had more opportunities as well as I had 2 parents for 26 years of my life. I was never abandoned by my family (and while yes, some of the kids at the orphanage are true orphans, many of them live there because their parents can't afford to take care of them so they leave them to be taken care of by others), and as a kid I never spent a night away from home that I didn't choose (or plan) to.

No matter what their situation, those little kids (a few of my favorites pictured at the top) found joy. They reminded me (mutiple times) that it doesn't matter what you don't have or where you live joy can be found in a new friend, a swing, new shoes, a color page, a banana, etc... The sound of their laughs ring in my ears, the sight of their smiles will be forever imprinted on my brain (and thankfully in my computer too!).

A word about how God is encouraging. God encouraged me during this trip by showing His faith in me. He gave me an opportunity and I took it, heck... I ran with it. I prayed that during this trip I would be able to see and experience joy again (I have not experienced that much since Daddy died), and I did. And it was such a blessing.

A few prayer requests:

1. Josue's family: Our driver Josue's father passed away on Monday... he was 83.

Pray for peace for the family.

2. Marcos' family: Marcos is the house parent who ran a transitional home and was killed in a car jacking last week. He left behind a wife and two small kids and alot of young men who depended on him. Please keep them all in your prayers

3. The kids at Fundacion Salvacion, Hermana Sandra (lady who runs the foundation) and the workers of the orphanage. Pray that they will be provided all their needs, health for the kids, and safety for them all...

4. The family of Mr. Billy Townsend. Mr. Billy was a member at Midway (my home church) and his wife passed away in the fall from cancer. Unfortunately, Mr. Billy took his own life a few days ago. I just can't imagine what his kids are going through... losing two parents in just a few months. I don't know there names... but please pray for them.

Finally, I found out via Pawpaw Cole that more people are reading my blog than I realize. So thanks to those of you who are reading. I hope that my thoughts and words will help you in someway, or at least give you something to think about.

Many Blessings, Kacey

A Journey almost over...

I've had so many thoughts going through my head thru the last few days... so many things that I have wondered about... that I'm annoyed about, and more importantly, that I have had joy about... Our trip is going really well, the kids are amazing, and the students I am traveling with blow me away with their compassion and attitudes every day. (Check out itsmymission, one of the blogs I follow for their entries)

I wonder why Israel and Checha's moms come and visit them every week... but they are in an orphanage.

I am annoyed that 2 girls parents sent them to the orphanage as "punishment" for sneaking out of the house... they were there for 2 days and went home.

I have joy because of Joshua and Maria's laugh. I wish I could bottle it for you to hear. I'm going to attempt to record it on my iPhone, but we will see... I can hear them laugh across the play ground and it makes me smile.

I have joy because the kids have prayed for us... in spanish, and I understood it all.

I am annoyed that I don't know how to discipline a kid in spanish...

I wonder if Daddy can travel anywhere if he wants to... and if so if he has seen me working down here. I've asked him to watch over the kids... he can be their guardian angel.

I am annoyed that I have not felt so great a few days. I haven't been sick... just had nagging headaches and some stomach issues, but it's latin america... that's normal right?

I have joy because God placed so many new friends in my life. From my team, to the kids and workers of the orphanage, to Jeremy and Berta our Buckner reps, to our amazing translators, and Josue our driver... they are all wonderful people and have impacted my life SO much in the last week.

I wonder what will happen to these kids in the future. I pray that if nothing else, they will feel the love of people, but more importantly the love of Christ.

prayer requests for tonight:

One of the parents in the transitional homes I wrote about last week died today. His name was Marco and he was married and had two young kids. He also was the "dad" for several boys who really needed a father figure in their life. Please pray for peace and understanding for them all... and that someone will be able to step into Marco's responsibility as the parent in charge of the traditional home.

Also, keep praying for Alberto... Josue's dad. Josue is coming back to join us tomorrow... so it seems like things are better.

Finally, tomorrow is our last day at the orphanage... and it's going to be hard to leave the kids we have come to love. Pray for peace in our hearts as we say goodbye.

A morning in the clouds...

This morning we went and delivered some clothes to a community about an hour away from Huehue... an hour straight up a mountain! By the time we got to our destination we were well above the clouds and it was one of those moments where you just be still... and observe the creation of God. It was really one of those moments when you think, "How small am I.... in this big big world?" The community we went to has no fresh water and is all farm land... and though the people were getting torn hand me downs from an orphanage, they were so thankful, and so happy... it was a beautiful morning.

We ate lunch at McDonalds, and let me just say... their McFlurrys are SO much better than the ones back home...

So we went back to the orphanage and I began painting... I got messy, but it was fun. After painting I played with Checha for a while and put him down for a nap... probably a highlight of the trip so far!

Pray for the kids... they all have issues and need lots of love!!

Good night, Sleep Tight.... and too many shoes.

Tonight we had the beautiful experience of tucking in the kids at the orphanage... I got off the bus and Checha saw me and put his arms out for me to take him. I don't think I've written about Checha yet, but he's a little 2 year old boy who has pretty much got my heart in his hand at this point. He always has a snotty nose, likes to follow the big kids around, and has the quietest little voice. He and I have formed a little partnership though. We walk around the playground hand in hand, and if he isn't happy or is tired I pick him up and he lays his head on my shoulder... seriously y'all... if it wasn't illegal he would be coming home with me.

Another great experience of today was giving ALL the kids new shoes. As anyone in my family can attest to... I LOVE SHOES! I maybe by 10 new pair a year... and no I don't need them, but I like them! These kids at the orphanage might get a new pair of shoes once or twice a year at most... and today, I was able to bring some excitement and joy into their day by simply putting a new pair of socks on their feet and shoes to keep their feet warm. It was a beautiful experience to ask them if they were happy, if they are comfortable, and if they like their new shoes. The smiles, wow.... the smiles weren't just on their lips but in their eyes.... it was just a beautiful thing to be a part of, and I'm so thankful to Buckner that we had the opportunity.

Prayer requests for today:

1) That God would prepare our hearts and the hearts of our kids upon time for our departure.

2) That the Guatemalan government would meet the standards to reopen International adoption,

3) For a girl named Estella who asked a lot of questions about sacrifice and God today...

4) for the workers at the orphanage who do such a great job,

5) ... and for these amazing children, who just want to be loved.

Answered Prayers in Guatemala

Yesterday I got really frustrated with some 2 year olds because they would not sit still or listen to ANYTHING I said to them in Spanish. It was our first day to work with them and they were not yet comfortable yet... but I learned some lessons from this experience:

1) God didnt call me to childrens minstry... but He did call me to work with them this week.
2) God answers prayers... no matter what they are.

I shared my frustration with my team last night and prayed that God will help me to communicate better with the kids... and TODAY WAS AMAZING!! I spoke alot of spanish with them and they listened, followed the commands, and behaved! It was so great.

A few verses have been brought to my attention that I wanted to share with you...

"May all the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

"For you have not received a Spirit that makes you a slave to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, Abba Father. The Spirit himslef testifies with our spirit that we are Gods children." (romans 8: 15-16)

As we have been working with orphans... who have come from some really sad situations... its great to remind myself that we are all His children... we all have a Father we can call on for help in any situation... and He is a Father who can do all - because He created all.

Please continue to pray for us as we pour into these kids and receive so many blessings from them. I know God is working in my life and Im excited to see what else He has in store for this trip.

Showing the love...

Working in the orphanage so far as been an amazing experience... our plan was to come down here and show Gods love to the kids... but they have shown us so much love it can be overwhelming. How can I be so important to a little baby, Carlita, who I played with for a few hours that she cried and cried when i had to leave her in the nursery... I was asking God to help me find some joy during this trip... and he is answering the prayer.

check out www.blog.itsyourmission.com for the team update!!!

Day 1 in Guatemala!!

Day 1 in Guatemala has been great!! Travel was long and one of our bags got lost... but we have already seen the great ministry of this organization we are working with! Here's the blog I wrote for their website tonight!

"Hola!" from the team from Samford University in Birmingham Alabama!
(pictured LtoR: Ryann, Laren, Lauren, Rebecca, Maddie, Mary, Lauren, and Julian)

Today was Day 1 of our 14 day trip Huehuetenango, Guatemala. The day started off early as most of the team met at the Atlanta airport at 7am!! Our first obstacle of the trip was that several of our bags weighed just a bit over the limit, so we had to repack a few things before checking in... other than that, our flight went smoothly and we were only missing 1 of our 15 bags when we arrived to Guatemala. (The one missing bag only had donations in it... so everyone has clothes, no worries!)

After meeting two other members of our team, Rachel and Meredith, as well as Jeremy and Berta from Buckner... we were taken on a tour of several "transitional" homes that Buckner supports. It was great to meet the kids involved in this ministry, and to see the future of some of the kids we will meet in the orphanage in Huehue. These transitional homes provide a way for the orphans to get an education outside of their village, as well as a great chance to live in a safe and healthy family environment. Berta described these homes as giving the kids the tools they need to go out into the real world, and that it has been one of the most successful ministries of Buckner - Guatemala. During our visits we went to both girls and boys homes, and were given tours of each house. During the tour we learned about the education that the kids receive (home school to get them to a particular grade level, then public or private schools) as well as the tuition costs for college students in Guatemala. I particularly found our conversation about college interesting because the expense for tuition for one semester in Guatemala is what some Samford students spend on books each term. For me, a professional in the Higher Ed field... I was really intrigued by the numbers, and the possiblities for support for these students. The transitional homes are funded totally by donations from churches and individuals like you and me... so if you are reading this and would like a way to contribute... imagine the difference you could make in a kids' life by providing them with a college education which would allow them to become more self- sufficient.

After learning so much from Berta and Jeremy about the ministries of Buckner, we visited their offices and met their staff. It was great to meet some of the people that worked so hard to prepare for our trip.

Later in the afternoon, around 6pm, we checked into the Vista Real (an AMAZING hotel), and went out for a traditional Guatemalan dinner, during which several of us were able to make tortillas with a sweet lady at the restaurant. As Maddie said at dinner, "I think me and Guatemala are going to get along." The food was great, the company was great... and we are all really excited to see what God has in store for us this week!

Our group from Samford came together quickly to plan this trip... but I have faith that we will have an incredible experience working with Buckner. I may be the leader of this amazing group of students, but God is our Leader... and no matter what happens with our plans, we know His will work out. :)

Please keep us all in your prayers over the next two weeks!- Kacey

So much to do... so little time.

I'll be in ATL in less than 24 hours and I still feel like I have a million things to do. Well, maybe not a million... but here are a few of them:


1. I finally got EVERYTHING packed in my suitcase... and it weighs 52.8 pounds. So I need to lose 2.8 pounds by flight time Tuesday morning.

2. Finish packing my backpack (... that thing has not been used in years!). I think I'm going to look like a 6th grader on the first day of school with so many things inside that bag!

3. Put clean sheets on the bed... (so it's clean when I get back!)

4. Wash the dishes...

5. Sleep, that would be a good idea. :)

6. take out the trash...

7. Go to work... all day tomorrow...

8. Pick up one of my team members from the BHM airport...

9. Drive to ATL...

Okay... better get to it. The sleep part at least. :)

Here are a few things you can be praying for... and thank you for those prayers:

1. Organization for me...
2. Traveling safety for all of us...
3. That I will continue to feel better and better...
4. Safety for us during the trip...
5. Cooperation for everyone on the trip...
6. Open hearts and open minds for the team from Samford as well as those we will come in contact with...
7. That all that Spanish I learned in college will come back to me once I'm emersed in the language. :)
8. Health for everyone...
9. That fun times will be had by all...

Thanks for the prayers... I'll keep you updated!

Kacey and the Terrible Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year...

As a child, "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day" was one of my favorite books... I think the catchy title did it for me. Which is a bit ironic since I'm one of the most optimistic people I know. Anyway... It really fits the discription for this year.

In a nutshell, 2009 was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year.

However, I learned alot, felt alot, observed alot, absorbed alot, reflected alot, and lived alot this year. If you read my blog often... you know I like lists... so here goes a few thoughts in each of these categories:

What I've learned: Oh so much... but ultimately, I keep coming back to the lesson that everything I have is not mine. God has blessed me with each and everything in my life... and if He wants it back... it's His to take. I should never be so dependent on the things in my life that I don't depend on the One who gave me life. Also, God is also a heck of a lot smarter than me... and His plans are generally much better than anything I could come up with.

What I've felt: sorrow, anger toward God, the grace of God, the physical and emotional pain that comes from losing someone you love, the amazing support and friendship from SO many people that makes me smile and weep at the same time. I've felt loved... I've felt that I mattered... and I've felt that I have impacted the lives of others... all because of the reaction of other people at the worst time in my life. I've also felt an amazing amount of gratitude this year... for so many things.

What I've observed: You can never know what or how a kind word or small action can influence someone else's life. Being yourself is the best thing to be because you allow others to see you as God's creation, how you are meant to be, rather than what you may pretend to be. There's no point in trying too hard for anything... Do your best, and be your best... that's all God asks, and that's all we should ask of ourselves.

What I've absorbed: I don't really know how to describe this one. If you ever watched the Care Bears... do you remember the Care Bear stare? Here's the explanation from Wikipedia: The Care Bears' ultimate weapon is the "Care Bear Stare," in which the collected Bears stand together and radiate light from their respective tummy symbols. These combine to form a ray of love and good cheer which could bring care and joy into the target's heart.

Now I know this may seem rediculous... but this is truly the best way I can think to describe how I have absorbed the love and support of some many people this year. God put alot of amazing people in my path this year and with a word, a prayer, hug, smile, letter, email, FB post, text message, and a million other ways I have basked in the glow of that care... of the love they have shown to me. I've had alot of dark days over the last six months... but those little things brought light into my dark days... and I will forever be greatful for those small acts that made a big impact.

What I have reflected on: Once again... so much. I think the biggest thing can be described in one of Daddy's favorite analogies of the Valley and the Mountain. No matter how deep you are in the Valley, there is always room and opportunity for improvement and moving up that mountain. No matter how deep you are in YOUR valley, someone else's is deeper. No matter how deep you are in your valley, God will send someone to help you up. No matter how dark your valley, God will shed some light, some clarity, some direction... if your eyes are on Him at the top of the mountain.

Through the loss of loved ones, I have reflected alot on the ones who are still around. God blessed us with a great family. I've never said it to either one of them... but the strength my mom and Aunt Lanell have shown over the last 18 months is so inspiring to me. Yes, they have cracked... but they have stood together and supported each other and led our family and dealt with all the red tape stuff that the others of us are clueless about. My mom is the matriarch of our family at 54 (Which is way too young to be in the position)... and she amazes me all the time. She once told me a quote: "Pressure breeds strength, just ask the diamond," and I think she's lived up to that this year... even though I don't think she realizes how strong she is. Please pray for her that she will see her strength and independance and that God would give her the strength to use those things... There are also several children in our family that just make me smile when I see them. Anna Catherine, Wyatt, Cassidy, Will and Savannah... even on the darkest day to see those sweet children brings a smile to my face and they are such an example of the simple joys in life and how you can love with no limits... I feel like I've grown closer to my brother and cousins this year... even though I live far away from them... I think our shared grief has caused us to recognize how lucky we are to have each other in our lives...

Cassidy and Wyatt at Christmas

Family, if you are reading this... I love you, I pray for you, and I am incredibly thankful for you.

God has also blessed me with amazing friends... Liz, Kristin, Russ, Ryan, my small group, the GAP class, my RA's and coworkers... we all have our own celebrations and struggles and we can share them with each other. These people have put so much joy in my life this year that I just don't know how to express it... but I thank each of you for it.

How I have lived: Well that changed about mid year... I've quit worrying as much, started loving more (and telling people I love them more), I try my best to live every day with no regrets, not to get mad at myseld so much, I've lived through the Valley and started climbing my way back up... I've lived thankfully, I've lived realistically... I've lived through alot of tears and faced alot of fears. I am trying to live as Daddy theorized, "To be a success at Life, you have to be a success at Living."

I guess in any year end review I should make some comments about goals and hopes for 2010...

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  I can't start this without expressing my excitement for the Guatemala trip which take place in just a few short days. I trust that God is putting everything in place and that we will be blessed as a result of our work in showing His love to children, and I'm really looking forward to the love and joy we will receive from them.


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  I hope that God will present me with a new opportunities professionally.


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  I want to say "I love you" more to my family and friends... I at least want them to know how much I care for them and love them... no matter how far away I may be.


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  I want Mawmaw Cole to teach me how to make a pound cake.


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  I am going to Bull Riding in NOLA with mom and Shane Easter weekend... so excited about that!


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  I want to be healthier...


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  I want to save money and possibly take a class on investments?


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  I want to show God's love to people each and every day.


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  I want to celebrate Daddy's life instead of always being so sad about his loss. I want to smile and laugh instead of cry.


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  I want to visit with my out of town friends more often...


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  I want to really learn from the Bible... not just read it. I would love to be able to understand the bible like daddy did... and be able to glean daily lessons off and explain them simply.


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  I want to live the Serenity prayer on a daily basis.

In fact, I want the Serenity Prayer to be my final prayer of the year...

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Goodbye 2009... and I'm not sad to see you go, but I'm looking forward to 2010 and all the things that God will show me and teach me this upcoming year...