Sunday, March 28, 2010

It hurts me more than it hurts you...

When I was a kid, every time I got a spanking (and I'll be honest, they were frequent) my dad would always say, "this hurts me more than it hurts you." Now as a kid I always wanted to talk back and say, "well then why don't you let me do this to you..." but well, that would have just gotten me a few more licks. However, as I've matured I now understand that statement. The amount of love that my parents had for me made it difficult for them to put me through discomfort or pain. But I get it... and I learned from them. I don't know that I ever got a spanking for doing the same thing twice... well, maybe talking back...

Since it is a week until Easter the sermon in church today was on Crucifixion (John 19: 16-28). Our Sunday school lesson was not specifically on the Crucifixion and the death of Christ... but as we were reading through Psalm 103, this concept of It hurts me more than it hurts you really spoke to me from a different perspective. Here are few of the verses...

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

Think about these two verses in bold... because I think they go together so much. The reason that God does not treat us as our sins deserves is because of the compassion He showed us through the forgiveness of our sins via the Crucifixion on the cross.

Now, let's consider the Crucifixion and the title of the blog tonight. I cannot fathom how true this statement was for God when He had to turn his back on Christ as he took on our sins on the cross. If it hurt my mom and daddy to spank me, can you imagine the pain God felt in that single moment. It makes me want to hug him, and comfort him... but the irony is that He had to hurt his Son so that I could be His daughter.

Think on that... it still blows my mind as I sit here and think about it.


Today's blog is going to allow me to be a bit vulnerable, but it's on my mind and heart... so I am figure, why not share these thoughts with my little blogging community, especially when this may be on someone else's mind as well.

I have several wonderful friends who have gotten married recently or who will be getting married soon, several who have had or are waiting on the birth of their children, I work at a University in which engagement stories are as common as beach stories after Spring break, and I'm on the upside of my twenties... so all together that brings the thought and pressure of love and marriage and babies to mind more often than I like.

Now don't get me wrong, I eagerly anticipate the day that the Lord sends my guy my way, and the day He allows me to become a mom. I also figure that I have some more pull in Heaven now that Daddy, Mawmaw, and Pawpaw are there... and am hoping that He sends him sooner rather than later (maybe they can pull some strings). But, as a young single it seems like societal influences tell me that I should be in a relationship, and am missing out on something because I am not! Seriously, when can you turn on the television and NOT pass a show about weddings?? (I seriously think there is one on just about every channel) or not see a precious child on TV that for me, makes me think about being a mom... or even thinking about those sweet kids in Guatemala whom I would have gladly brought home and taken care of?

So... you know how in school they tell you not to bend to peer pressure, well, what about societal pressure??

I guess I am a little torn in some ways, because I enjoy my Independence. I enjoy being able to make decisions for myself, make my own plans, and the convenience than comes with not having to add someone else to that equation. I enjoy spending time with my single friends who make me feel better about my single status. However, let's be honest! What is life without love, right? And I am a 27 year old who has never been in love.

Yep, that's right... 27 and never been in love.

The more I think about it though, I guess I am okay with it. If it has not happened, then it has not yet been in God's plan for me, and recognize that. I also figure that since I have yet to fall in love with someone, that will just make the real thing even better when it does it happen (there's the optimist in me coming out).

So... what's the point of this rambling about my single status and lack of potential relationships... well, like I said, it's been on my mind. I'm not complaining... I'm recognizing God's plan for me in a relationship... whatever it may be. How am I doing that? Well, I say a prayer for him, whoever he is, every night. I may not know when or even if he will ever come along, that's up to God, not me... but I'm lifting up my relationship potential to the Lord every night.

Since the first time I heard the song "Someday" by LaRue (I don't even know if they are still together), it has brought this subject to mind for me, and I want to share the lyrics with you:

I don't know if you're near or far away
But I know that I'm thinking of you today
I don't know if I even know your name
But I know that I'm praying for you just the same
Someday we'll fall in love
You'll be mine and I will be yours
Our hearts will be one
And our love will ever endure
Then I'll need you, and I'll want you
And I'll find you someday
Then I'll love you, then I'll hold you
And I'll be with you always
Our love will be so strong and pure
You will make me feel like I have never felt before
You will be perfect only for me
You will make these eyes begin to see
Someday we'll fall in love
You'll be mine and I will be yours
Our hearts will be one
And our love will ever endure
Your faith for the Lord will be strong
Even though I know the wait is long
And though I'm young I still believe
That you're out there praying for me

So am I bending to the pressure?? ... Of course, let's be realistic here!! I want that love and that family that I have seen bring such joy to people I know and love. However, as I have learned in so many other things this year... God has a plan for it... and until He makes it or him apparent to me... I'll continue to pray for him and for what may be, someday.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Spring Break 2010

Well I spent a week at home and the only internet I used was on my iPhone... so I decided not to type out a blog on that tiny device... can you imagine the typos?!! I had a good week at home... spent time with my mom, grandparents, helped my Aunt Lanell and Uncle Lloyd move houses, bought a car, played with Savannah, cooked dinner with Pawpaw Cole, cooked dinner for mom and Shane, and did I mention bought a car??

I spent the first day of my Spring Break car shopping. after dragging mom and Shane across town with me I made a pro con list and thought about my decision for several hours. Mom was on the phone with Aunt Judy, and I overheard her saying, "I think she wishes her Daddy was here to help her with this."

I sat back and thought about it and while yes I would have loved to have Daddy's perspective, I didn't need him here to deal with it. Why... because he gave me all the tools I would need to make that decision. When I first started thinking about buying a car, back in December, the first thing I did was go buy a Consumer Reports magazine... because I know that's what daddy would have said to do. So... I did months of research I test drove my top 2 cars twice, I got the opinion of others, and finally I just wrote out my thoughts. ... and I made the decision, and I'm happy with it.

Kind of like God... you know??
He gives us the tools to make decisions,
we just have to do it... and be happy with it.
Also during Spring Break I was trying to help mom find some tax stuff, and I ran across a random light blue spiral bound notebook. All that was in the notebook was something daddy wrote... it was not titled, nor did it have a date on it... but as always, it has a good point. I hope you enjoy it and can learn something from it like I did:

Is God always there? Always patiently, quietly waiting to come to your rescue at your convenience? Don’t be so sure. Yes, He’s always there as He is everywhere, but will He always come riding in like the cavalry to save the day?

Have you ever had a flat tire and in changing it find your spare is flat? Guess why it is? Yes you had “faith” that it would always be ready when needed. Ready to come to your aid, and it was except for the part you were supposed to maintain. The air. You didn’t and now you’re stuck.

Lots of times we treat our Master as we do that spare tire. Always thinking we’ll be immediately rescued when the inevitable crisis arises, only to find we’ve failed in our responsibility to the relationship.

In Isaiah 55:6 scripture tells the people to: Search for the Lord “while He may be found.” Make your request “while He is near,” indicating that God is not always easily accessed. Is this surprising to you? Then read on… The next verse tells those people who are having trouble getting through that they should “return” unto the Lord, and He will have mercy, that He would abundantly pardon. Verses 8 & 9 explain why we can be so mistaken in our assessment of God.

His thoughts are not like ours. His ways are not like ours. They are higher. That’s why God’s plan for our lives seldom make sense in the early stages. Only after we begin to see results of following His instructions to we realize how wrong we are and how right He is.

In Ecclesiastes the Bible warns us to Remember out Creator in our youth. Before responsibilities, liabilities, discouragements, and age make us “hard to reach.” (the evil days) After reading the entire chapter it seems to say: Develop your relationship with God “while you can.” As life goes on it will become increasingly difficult to do that.

In Hosea 10 verse 12 you’ll find this. It is time to seek the Lord till He comes. Hosea is informing his nation of the consequences of putting other things before God (idolatry) in their lives. I think that situation can apply to us today, don’t you? He tells them to break up the fallow ground. That that has been allowed to sit idle, been ignored, or even neglected. The prophet instructs to keep searching till He comes, indicating that it could be a while. That God may not jump at the chance to be a part of your life again. You see God has this standard that we apparently don’t take serious enough. He has to be first or He won’t be anything! God won’t play second fiddle to you, your hobbies, family, job, money, family, church, or anything else. You’ll play by His rules or He won’t play. Period!

Now once you get past that there are some lessons He wants us to learn regarding these statements.
#1 God may not always be found.
#2 God may not always be near.
#3 Your access to God may not always be a smooth, unobstructed path.

Communion with God requires:
#1 Your desire and commitment
#2 God’s presence
#3 Maintenance of the relationship.

If God’s not as near as He once was… Guess who moved!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Birthday Blog...

I went to bed last night crying.

I was thinking about how I wouldn't get a phone call today from my dad or my grandmother.

I was thinking about how I will never read daddy's words on a greeting card that were always so much better than whatever Hallmark could come up with.

I was thinking about not matter how much sadness I feel at his loss, that I will thank and praise God for his Life and hopefully one day be able to praise Him in regard to his death.

I was thinking about how I used to always thank God and be amazed at the fact that God made me such a perfect daddy... we were two puzzle peices that fit together, and how no matter what has happened that I will forever be thankful for the man he was and the love he had for me.

I was thinking about quality vs. quantity... and how there are a whole bunch of people in the world who may have fathers that live to be 100, but they aren't good daddys. I'll take 26 good years over a million bad ones...

I was thinking how thankful I am that God blessed me with another year to live, love, and learn.
I'm crying now as I think about him again... just looking at a picture of him tears my heart out sometimes. Last night I had to hear his voice so I listened to "Kacey's song" before I fell asleep. But... as I reflect on today, my 27th birthday... despite the tears it was a wonderful day. The weather was beautiful, I spent lunch with collegues and dinner with girl friends, and thanks to my small group celebrated with some red velvet cupcakes.
As I try to think of something poignant to leave here... one of the most awesome verses in the bible comes to mind. I'll never forget the first time I heard this verse, really heard it and let it sink in... and I may have shared it here before... but on my birthday I think a verse about individual creation is appropriate.
"For we are His workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand that we should
walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10)
God created me 27 years ago for a reason, for a work,
and I'll be here till I complete the job.
Thank you for the birthday wishes and prayers... they have been felt and appreciated.
Love, Kacey

Friday, March 5, 2010

Another lesson from a hymn...

I've been singing this song all day... and I love how sometimes you sing a song without really hearing the words and seeing how they relate to you as an individual. I've mentioned Daddy's mountain/valley analogy many times, and how it has helped me to deal with things this year... and as I was singing that part of the song it was a reminder of how true the statement is, "The blood that gives me strength from day to day... it will never lose its power."

The blood that Jesus shed for me
Way back on Calvary
The blood that gives me strength
From day to day
It will never lose its power.
It reaches to the highest mountain
And it flows to the lowest valley
The blood that gives me strength
From day to day
It will never lose its power.
It soothes my doubts and calms my fears
And it dries all my tears
The blood that gives me strength
From day to day
It will never lose its power.
It reaches to the highest mountain
And it flows to the lowest valley
The blood that gives me strength
From day to day
It will never lose its power.
:) I love how true this song is...