He gives me strength...

This evening, Philippians 4:13 has been in my head...

{I can do all things through Christ

who strengthens me.}

I remember the day daddy died I kept thinking that I didn't know how to do life without him... in fact, I didn't think I could. For the first few weeks there would be times when I wanted his opinion or needed to ask him a question, and would physically pick up the phone to then remember that I deleted his number the day he died. I didn't want to be tempted to call and listen to his voicemail, (to this day his phone is on one of the desks in the house). There were a few of those times that I had little come aparts... but they faded over time. I wouldn't think about him being gone for a few days, because sometimes it just seemed like he was off on the rig at work, but then that reality would set in, that he wasn't reachable... that I would never ever talk to him again in a conversation (outside of my dreams)... and those were the times the heavy heaving heart hurting sobs would come out, which was not a pretty sight (ugly crying at its best). I can remember hearing a groaning noise during one of those tear fests and realizing it was coming from me... that was my reality in the months after he died.



My reality now is this: I have only been able to "do life" without my earthly father, because my Heavenly Father gives me the strength to.

Life, for better or for worse, moves on regardless of who is physically present in our lives. Despite that pain, it is important that we gather the lessons we have learned from those individuals (I include all of my grandparents in this as well), and use them to help us throughout future. They may not be on the other end of the phone line or at the other end of the dinner table to give us advice, but the things they said in the past will always be in our memory in the future. Daddy will help me make decisions 20 years from now if I will remember his wisdom in the days to come.

I always thought that daddy could help me to solve any problem... but my Heavenly Father creates the problems so that I can solve them WITH HIS HELP. Why? Because He gets the glory out of my progress, because I know that I couldn't have made it to June 21, 2009... much less today without Him, without the people He has put in my life, without the desires He has put in my heart, and without the lessons I have learned through this valley.



I am so amazed at His faithfulness to me. I see things so often that show me that His hand is in my life. He has my whole world in His hands... and I have no desire to put it in any other place.



As I sit here and type this I think about how dependent my relationship with my F/fathers have been on one another. Without daddy, who was always my spiritual leader in the home, I may not have ever become a Christian and would not have had the role model in the Faith that I did growing up, or learned the lessons from him that I was able to glean. Without God, well... Dannon Cole wouldn't have been my daddy. I think I had a better understanding of what a relationship with my Heavenly Father should be like based on my relationship with daddy. Our communication was always open and honest, discipline was always a result of his love (and my bad behavior), understanding was only a conversation away, and no matter what I thought, daddy generally knew what was best for me, even when I didn't. The same is true for God's relationships with His children, it hurts Him more than it hurts us when we do something wrong and must face the consequences. As Christians we have a direct and open line of communication with him through prayer... and He does know best. No one knows us better than our creator.

I miss him so much, and most days... words just can't describe what that feels like. I wish I had his gift for words, his knowledge of The Word... and that's something I'm working on, because just with everything else, that's something I cannot do on my own. Just as daddy showed his family so much strength during his life here on earth, my Heavenly Father provides us with His all knowing, all powerful omniscient strength to get us day to day... and sometimes minute to minute. I didn't think I could do life without my Daddy, but I know I couldn't do life without my Father.

{1He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall

abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust...

9 Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place...

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone...

14 Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.}

Psalm 91: 1-2, 9, 11-12, 14-16

No matter what your earthly father is like (and I pray that y'all are as blessed as I was), please remember that strength can always be found in your Heavenly Father. He knows were you are, even in the darkest past of that Valley, but through His salvation He will deliver you if you need Him. As for your earthly father, be thankful for him, pray for him, learn from him, respect him and listen to him... there will come a day when you may not be able to... and every second spent together will be more valuable to you than anything in the world. While you are at it... give him a hug, and one for me too... because I'm thankful for him b/c he helped create you.

Love Y'all,

Kacey