Cancer, Nurses, Death, Where's Kacey?, Changes...

The last 6 days have flown by in some ways and dragged on in others... there have been ups and downs and I left home with mixed emotions today... I cried when I said goodbye to Pawpaw, not knowing if I will have the opportunity to see him again because of his cancer, and cried on the way home as I listen to Daddy sing through my iPod. I listened to my best friend Liz preach it over speakerphone as she told me about the ways God is working in her life and praised the Lord with her for doing it...



So here are some thoughts from the week...



Cancer:
Cancer can go to Hell. I don't understand it... how your cells can just split and mutate or whatever the heck they do to make you sick. All I know is that (forms of) Cancer has taken away 4 important people in my life, and affected many others. Dear Cancer, I think I've met my quota... you can move on now, thanks.



Nurses:
There are good ones and bad ones. I reported a nurse to the patient care rep b/c I didn't feel like she was treating my grandfather with respect or truly caring for him... it seemed more like she was ticking things off her to do list than making sure he was okay. After I reported her, he was assigned to the nurse who won the award for best nurse in the hospital (or something like that)... and after that we had a good experience. As we were leaving today one of the nurses came in and prayed with us... and I was struck by the great ministry that nurses have. I have several sweet friends that are nurses... and I have heard the good and bad stories from them... but I have a new respect for what they do and how they care for people. Thank you friends for what you do...



Death:
So the prognosis for Pawpaw is grim. The stomach cancer he was diagnosed with in November has spread to his liver and lungs. The reason he has had no appetite is basically because his stomach is full of cancer. He has been sent on hospice care... which means that he will receive care at home for pain (which he has not experienced yet, thankfully), naseau, and he will be made comfortable until he passes away. The hospice nurse we met with today is predicting that time will come within the next 3 months. While my heart hurts at the thought of losing Pawpaw, my head hopes that he will not suffer, and will not starve... he still does not have much of an appetite and has lost 35-40 pounds over the last 3-4 months.



I feel like death is such a normal thing to me now... but I don't invite it around by any means. I keep thinking about the following verse... and though I know this verse is true for any Christian, I feel it is especially true for Pawpaw right now... and sometime soon, whenever his time comes, he will gain so much... he will gain health, he will gain Heaven, he will gain life...
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)



A friend of our family recently posted a video of herself singing an original song on youtube, and she let me know that she originally wrote the song for my family, but that it has since applied to a lot of other people. I wanted to share it with whoever may be reading... hopefully the song will touch you as it has me... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O017Sxs6Zlc



Where's Kacey?
The highlight of my week was some time spent with Savannah... it was not much time... but it was good time. You see I have had this complex that she did not really know who I was or like me too much because I am only around once a month for a few hours... and to be honest she has always been a little antisocial around me... but this past week we played together for a while. At one point we were playing the "Where's ______" game. We were pointing to pictures in a book and things around the room. Kim (Savannah's mom) asked her "Where's Kacey?" and she pointed at me... that was one of those moments of pure joy. I put my hands in the air and clapped, and she smiled. She remembers me!

Savannah and I playing outside...

Changes: I have this feeling that a lot of things are going to change soon... and I just have to be ready for it... whether I like it or not. My prayer is that I will accept the change as His will and be open to the change. I also pray that my attitude will be positive and I will look at the changes as opportunities not obstacles.

Love Y'all,
KC