You see, I'm not trying to buy a new car or going on an amazing vacation (though of course those things would be nice). I'm just trying to pay my credit card bills and get out of debt. Honestly, I have barely made it month to month since adding a mortgage to my monthly expenses without using my credit card, hence the credit card bills. So, when recently that burden was compounded by losing my job due to budget cuts in the state, well... That increased that burden by -$15.25 per hour.
(Now let me please add, I'm thankful for the job I have been given in order to keep my insurance... And if the pay was comparable to my previous job, the burden would not be so heavy.)
When I finally broke down and had a good cry about this tonight, after a month, I realize that I know the answer... God is using this situation to MAKE me rely on Him. And even though I know, I KNOW that He has got a plan for me... I still whine and cry and don't understand... I mean really y'all, sometimes I wish I could just throw human nature out the window.... Or flip that switch to where I'm only spiritually minded for that time being! Gosh wouldn't that save me some tears and truthfully a few bad words.
So I know what I should be doing, and how I should be prayerfully focused, but then I start creeping back to those dark times a few years ago... post Daddy's death and pre- moving back home. Those were times when I felt rather unsatisfied in life, though I was completely being Blessed by God in many ways and too ignorant to see it.
I can't be the only one that has been there... It's like a pity party that you only invite God too and then He is like... Hey... Shut up... I've got you!
Well, fast forward a few years and I was back there tonight. Not a proud moment, lots of Why Mes and some tears. And then... As always, there is this little voice in my head reminding me of why I felt this way or that way before, and what I learned from it. Then there is the biblical lesson from the "Why Mes" of the bible... God uses our bad days, our struggles, our leprosy (shout out to you Simon the Leper from last week's bible study)... FOR HIS GLORY. He will heal us, pick us up, guide us... In His time.
Oh goodness Kace... (Yes this is me talking to myself) don't you remember that He brought you through all those valleys before?! He will do it again, and again, and again... If you trust in Him more than yourself.
Oh ye of little faith... That's so me sometime. God has you... Just try and be patient. Be thankful for the lessons along the way... Appreciate the people you meet and the paths you cross.
Wait. Pray. Seek.