Monday, September 12, 2011

Okay God...

You know, as per His custom in my life, God answered my complaints... and I am humbled and ashamed at my lack of faith... both in Him and myself. Am I on Cloud 9 today... No, but I am more at peace with where I am. Here's why: 

{Hope deferred makes the heart sick. 
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.} 
Proverbs 13:12

This verse was one of those good kicks in the face. I didn't quite understand it in the beginning so I looked at a few online commentaries for further explanation. After reading them, this is my understanding of the verse: 

Waiting on the thing you hope for can cause one to become dispirited, when you dwell on the waiting part. Dispirited meaning that (as one commentary put it) your :mind becomes uneasy - your heart sinks and fails." I've been dwelling on the Waiting. Rather than thinking about the end result of following His will, which is the ultimate thing that I hope for. Because when that time comes... when His plan is made clear and the door is opened, this thing that I desire willl give me unspeakable treasure, as the tree of life in the Garden of Eden was... following His will will further my Life... and at this point... that's what I'm living for. 

{It is true that when Much - Afraid looked at the mountains on the other side of the valley she wondered how they would manage to ascend them, but she found herself content to wait restfully and to wander in the valley as long as the Shepherd chose... In the Valley of loss...he often walked with them down there... When she remembered this, Much - Afraid thought with a little shiver in her heart, "He will never be content until he makes me what he is determined that I ought to be."}
Hinds' feet on High Places - Hannah Hurnard

I mean dang... if that doesn't tell me to sit down, shut up, and get right... I don't know what will. 

This book has proven to be such a tool of the Lord for me (thanks again Joy) and its like I read the right chapters at the right times. This passage (which is cut from three different pages) shows me a few things... 
1) I need to be content where I am for as long as He chooses to have me here... 
2) I need to recognize more often that He has chosen to put me here... for some reason and for some purpose. 
3) When I am in my Valleys, He is with me and walks with me. 
  • The "them" this passage refers to is the main character Much Afraid and her guides Sorrow and Suffereing. Sound familiar to anyone else?? I relate to her a lot... I've experienced her guides a lot. But one of the blessings of this book is that she makes friends with these guides. She respects and listens to them... she follows them... and as she changes into a more confident woman, they change... they become friendly and more beautiful just like she does... their changes parallell each other based on her progress both on the path to the High Places, but more importantly in her outlook, attitude, and perception of her task at hand. 
The last thing I gain from this is the most humbling... and also the most perplexing. It's humbling becuse the Shepherd, which is the Lord... cares about me so much that He isn't content until I become who He thinks I need to be. That in and of itself opens up a world of potential and a world fear. Because He already has determined what I ought to be... but I have no clue what He wants to be. This is the perplexing part... How do I work to become that person which will make Him content... when I don't know what I need to be working on???

I guess I'll just start working on it all... and continue the prayer with a renewed request. Rather than asking God to show me where to go and what to do, I will now ask for Him to make me who I ought to be... to show me those things that will make me the person He has determined that I ought to be. 

That's my hope now... to become that person. And if I do my part... that hope should not be deferred because I should actively be pursuing a better me, and if I'm making myself better spiritually and physically then I'm not just waiting... I'm pursuing that tree of my life... 

Thanks Lord... I'm so thankful you have more faith in me than I do. 

Love y'all, 

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