If I Fly or If I Fall

I am weak, but Thou art strong;

Jesus, keep me from all wrong;

I’ll be satisfied as long

As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee,

Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,

walking close to Thee,

Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Through this world of toil and snares,

If I falter, Lord, who cares?

Who with me my burden shares?

None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.

When my feeble life is o’er,

Time for me will be no more;

Guide me gently, safely o’er

To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.

Honestly, sometimes I get tired of being... or trying to be strong. And sometimes it doesn't seem like I'll be satisfied just by walking closer to Him. However, I know that's what I need to do... what I need to try and do... and something that I cannot get tired of trying to do. Reality and Spirituality are sometimes hard to connect. Though I feel like sometimes I don't want to try... I know that the Holy Spirit is sitting right here beside me as I go through this season of life.

I think that the subject of death is a head/heart debate, especially for us Christians. Your head says that your loved on is in a much better place... free from hurt, pain, sickness, etc... whereas your heart dwells on the ache of loss, the Why?, the reason (maybe backwards from logic on which part debates what... but I think this is the way it goes). Your heart doesn't necessarily think of the pros... just the cons. And it just compounds if there are other frustrations in life.

Tonight is one of those nights that I need to be reminded that He is in control and nothing I can do or say will change His mind. I just want to be in His will so bad... but I am at a place where I don't know if I am... and that hurts most days. To be honest sometimes I get a Job complex and wonder why so many bad things have happened since I moved to Birmingham... but then I'm realizing that I am discounting all the blessings that have happened since I moved here. Is God testing me and I am epically failing? Or all these all just lessons to teach me to be a better _____. Most likely it's this... it doesn't have a freaking thing to do with me... and I'm just being self centered by wondering how all this relates back to me. Shouldn't I be thinking about how it all relates to Him?? As much as I am trying to focus on Him... sometimes that view gets distorted. I'm praying that as the uncertainty of this week approaches that I'll constantly be reminded of His presence.

Please pray for Mawmaw Cole... she is in the hospital and not doing so well. We have been in this situation with her before... so I have no clue what the future holds for her... but just pray for God's will for her and that the family will be comforted no matter the outcome.

I love y'all,
KC