Press On...

I finally got back to Shades today!!! It's been about six weeks since I was in church due to Holidays, sickness, and Guatemala... so it was such a blessing to back with my church family today!!

I am always really excited when one particular lady in our church sings. Her name is Roszetta Johnson, and if you Google her... you'll discover that back in the day (circa 1970) she hit the Billboard top 40 with the R&B Soul hit, "A Woman's Way." I'm not really sure what Mrs. Roszetta's story is... how she got back into the church after singing in the blues clubs and why she joined Shades a few years ago... but I do know one thing.

She's battling cancer.

Today in church she sang a song called "I will Press On." I have searched the Internet for the lyrics... and there are several versions of the song. Unfortunately I don't know if any of them is the version I heard this morning.

Regardless of the words... the testimony as Mrs. Roszetta sang is what hit me the hardest. She has had a really hard time with her cancer... it has not been an easy road for her... but she could stand on a stage in front of probably 1,500 people and testify that she could "Press On" despite the cancer, despite the pain, despite the fear. As she finished the song she sang "Hallelujah" a few times... and it was so obvious to me that she was truly exclaiming the word which, by definition, is thanking and praising God.

She's praising and thanking God despite her cancer, despite the pain, despite the fear.

So... what does that mean for me??

If she can do it I can, right??

It was a challenge... God saying "Kacey... press on. Encourage your family to Press on... encourage your friends to Press on." Because despite it all.... whatever our ________ (cancer, pain, fear) may be... God gives us the ability to Press On with his help.

I have another confession for today. I totally had an answer to our discussion in Sunday school today, but I could not bring myself to vocalize it. We were reading/discussing Psalm 67.

Psalm 67
1God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause his face to shine upon us; Selah.
2That thy way may be known upon earth, thy saving health among all nations.
3Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee.
4O let the nations be glad and sing for joy: for thou shalt judge the people righteously, and govern the nations upon earth. Selah.
5Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee.
6Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us.
7God shall bless us; and all the ends of the earth shall fear him.

In this Psalm... the people are asking God to bless them so that they can share their blessings and the stories of their blessings with others... so everyone will know the Glory of our God. Well, In Sunday School today Steve (my Sunday School teacher, Singles Minister, all around encouraging influence on my life...) asked us why in our day and age, and in our generation people don't seem to share those blessings as much as they should. There were a few different answers: (let's see if I can remember most of them)

1) Insufficiency: My story is not as good as someone else. Maybe I have not had a Red Sea experience like the Israelites... something so big the story traveled farther than the people.

2) Pride: We may not want people to know our down and out story... what we were before what we have become...

3) Selfishness: Keeping our blessings to ourselves...

I know there were more, but the whole time people were talking I was thinking about my reason that I don't share with others the blessings that God has bestowed on me as much as I should...

... because it hurts. Emotionally and Physically.

Now I can talk all day long about how there is no doubt in my mind that God has numbered my steps to be where I am today... to have been where I needed to be when I was. To have had emergency surgery so that I was at home when my grandfather died rather than at a meeting in downtown Birmingham. To have been with my best friend when I found out daddy was sick instead of alone in my apartment. To have gone home the night before my grandmother died, when I had not been home in 2 months.

Those things didn't randomly happen... in fact, there is nothing random in my life... because I know that God has a plan for me and that everything that happens is meant for me experience and to learn from.

But here's the problem... maybe I can talk all day about what God has done in my life and how I know He is here... but then I have to talk about the experiences that surround those instances. I have to think back to the death of my father and how life without him will never be the same. I don't like to talk about it... because my heart literally hurts when I do... my eyes well with tears and maybe it will get better with time... I don't know, It's not even been 8 months... but it hurts now.

So what do I do? I keep my blessings to myself... when I know I shouldn't. I should shout from the rooftops that God has brought my through the worst thing I could imagine. That He provided me with the support system I needed through friends, family, coworkers, and my church families. That I WOULD NEVER have been able to survive this past year and a half without His hand in my life... I've said it before... and I'll say it again. If it is this hard to get through the death of loved ones as a Christian... when I know that one day when I die I have the hope and faith to know that Daddy, Mawmaw, Pawpaw, Rose, and Paw (and those I never got to know) will meet me at the gates. How does someone WITHOUT that hope and faith deal??

I need to share it more... and I know I can, but I also know that there will be tears. So friends... challenge me to do it, pray for me so that I have strength when the opportunities present themselves... because I know my story, our story as a family, is one that people can relate to.

I Love you all... KC