I am really really missing Daddy today... I woke up thinking about it... Today is the 20th (or was, it's rather early in the morning now), which means it's been 4 months since he died. A little over 4 months was the longest amount of time I ever went without seeing Daddy in my entire life... and so that reality is hitting me really hard.
I have filed away all the emails he sent me that I still had... I have them all the way back to 2006. I sat down to read some tonight... just to see something from him... and I've been crying since I started reading. I miss his words, I miss his humor... his subject lines would be stuff like "agitback" or "whatyoudurrrrin???" I miss his wisdom that would come out in the most simple lines. I miss honesty and prayers for me... I miss him so much it just hurts... I've realized since he died, that Daddy really was my best friend. I consulted him about everything and before everyone else... his opinion and advice meant more to me than anyone else... and I cannot express how much I miss that.
As I have been reading through the emails... I just keep seeing things that stand out... and thought I would share a few of them with whoever may be reading.
"That's what I love about being a Christian. It can only get better after we die."
""If we don't learn from others mistakes we're doomed to make them ourselves."
"The first thing I would advise doing is buy aconsumers report buyer's guide...I've found it to be invaluable when purchasing majorthings. You'll be supprized what all is in there. "
" However, remember God never madeanyone basically bad. Solomon said, Behold God hathmade man upright, but he has sought out manyinventions. That being the case we all have the capacity to be both very good or very bad. It is amatter of choice, or lack of a choice as the case maybe.
I believe that life is all about balance, the scripture says "Let your moderation be known to allmen". Each attribute we have has both a positive and negative side to it. Both a strength and weakness. If your honest about things you'll notice that your greatest assets are also a great vuneralbility. It's the source of vanity, pride, and therefore a weakness. I said all that to say this. For all your strengths, you have offsetting weaknesses that may not be as noticable. Beware of them, for they are always present with us, and without both positive and negative sides a battery won't start a car!"
" I will caution you though, not to be afraid to delegate authority. In the first place, you just can't do it all yourself. You make people think you don't trust them by doing so. It's ok to put pressure on others to perform. I also know that you will be supprised sometimes at how well they do! EXPECT THEN INSPECT that's the system that I learned to use. I assure you I went though some growing pains when it come to supervision of personel. I had never had any training before becoming a driller and then toolpusher. You just learned on the job, by trial and error. Some things still have to be aquired that way still. The old saying goes: Trial and error is the best teacher but the school fees are real high! "
" I'm feeling an urgency about life now anyway. I just don't feel it will be long before Jesus comes back. The acceleration of "uncontrolled" events in the world is evidence that all governments are in a reactionary mode now. That just proves God is controlling things and there's not anything man can do to alter his plans. The war waged by the Muslim world on Christian society, The Communist war on free enterprise, and the reality that they can't defeat our modern military, points to an economic war. The muslim's have the money that the jews don't have, We owe China $500 Billion, not to mention what we owe others, Property is being bought up by foreigners, and I wouldn't be supprised to see government property someday given as payment for these debts. I just see man losing control. If I were you I'd plan my finances accordingly. What that means I just don't know.
God will judge the nations, and ours is guilty of interfering in foreign governments since the creation of the CIA, and the murder of millions of unborn babies. We are arrogant in our policies. We think everyone should be like us when it's obvious we aren't too successful in government ourselves. Democracy is our God! We should have been concentrating on the spread of Christiananity not that. It's just got me worried for the future.
One thing I'm not worried about is God's ability ot take care of us. At the same time there have been thousands who have died for what they believe. We should ask ourselves how would we stand up to that test."
" I shudder to think what God has in store for a society that has forsaken his way so easily.
We should add this possibility to our future plans I think. God always sent a warning before judgement. We had better be listening to hear it, because I believe it's coming!"
" I've learned to leave the things I can't do nothing about to God, it's just that pretty regularly he has to remind me, that I am his, and he is mine. That he is in control, and if I'm willing to cooperate life will be better. "
" My experience has been that sometimes when I think something negative has happened to me, after a while looking back I have seen that it was really a positive in the long run. I'm not saying that is your case, but trust God to know what is best since he knows the future and we don't."
Sometimes I just really want to get mad at God... but I know that I can't... because as much as my Daddy loved me... God loves me more. And no matter what, I HAVE to find peace in that... if I can't then what else is there.
Please keep my family in your prayers. I talked to mom earlier and she was having a bad day (bad days are code for emotional days). Tomorrow (well, today I guess) is a year since Pawpaw Scarbrough died. Man, what a heck of a year we have had... I really do wish we could go back in a time some days, but I know that isn't God's will. As Daddy said in that email to me, 'it can only get better after we die.' I know he, mawmaw, and pawpaw are having a grand old time in heaven with the Lord... and we just have to deal with our sadness till we can get there and join them.