Lessons from... paint.

Lately I've been very uninspired... and how incredibly dramatic does that sound?!! I think I've just gotten myself into a stagnant place... and that's not a comfortable place to be. I think too much... I analyze too much. And when I analyze too much I think too much... see my confused pattern. I'v been reading Chambers' My utmost for His highest and there is much talk of His Will and my calling... so I'm trying to take the hint and reflect on those things. I've made these lists, of things I love to do, things I feel called to do, and things I'm good at... and I'm reflecting on those to try and recognize what I am supposed to do when I grow up (a little late, aren't I?). Sometimes when I get to that point where I've been thinking too much. I pick up a brush, I pick a color and I begin to paint. Usually I don't know what the plan for the painting (much like life...)... but I proceed with painting.

Art is therapuetic for me. I enjoy painting... and often I just do it for myself but recently I've been toying with the idea of selling painting to help make some extra money for a mission trip and other things. I was staring at a canvas the other night... and really began to think of the beuty in the paint. You see, I don't like the paint to be crisp and clean, lines unmarred and straight. I think it's beautiful when the colors mix and bleed and run... when they come together to create something I didn't intend... it's a beautiful thing. One the pallate where I put the paint, it ends up being layer over layer throughtout time... and I love the way the paint looks, in it's rubbery texture, when the colors mix, but are still representative of their original hue. I think that pallate represents community... and can represent the individual. Everyone brings their own color to a community... and eventually you mix together to become one, but you are still an individual... but the beauty of the mixture would be less without you... the depth and diversity not as strong, you... the individual are important and you have your place in your community, whatever that community may be.

I was working on this canvas with a lot of different colors the other night... I didn't want it to have a solid background, but wanted it to me more of a faded colors effect. While I was mixing the colors, I realized that my life, our lives, is very much like a painting. It started with different colors squirted onto a white canvas. The white canvas can represent how we enter the world pure, with no experiences. The different colored paint... our life experiences. The brush, I think the brush represents God's will... and what He allows. He said himself in my favorite verse, that " we are his workmanship..." (Ephesians 2:10) so He is calling Himself the artist. With every stroke of that mixed paint across the canvas, the painting changes. Perfection is unattainable on a painting like this becuase it's not the goal, in fact, every mistake can make it better. I believe this is true with life too... I know my name isn't Jesus, so I can't be perfect. And though I try to avoid the mistakes, if I learn from them... they make me better. Maybe this is why I like painting so much. It's controlled to a point. I can pick the colors and where they go... but I actually don't determine how it turns out... because I don't know how those colors are going to dry until they do. I love the way you can spray water on a canvas and the colors will run... but it can make it look better. You can paint in circles or straight lines and it will make things turn out completely different... just like life's choices... what we choose to do can make things turn out completely differently.

I also like that painting is completely personal. They may not be the most beautiful things in the world... but when I give someone a painting or when I make something for someone... I'm showing them what's in my head... and yeah generally it includes bright happy colors... but it will represent me as long as someone knows that I painted it, and that makes an impact on me.

So there are a few life lessons from paint. I'm going to go back to working on that canvas now. :)

Love Y'all,
Kacey

Lessons from an amazing book...

Yesterday I finished reading "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. The book was sent to me by a friend in October of 2010. Now, I pride myself on being a quick reader... I mean I generally read 300+ page books in one sitting, but this one was different. This book was special because I 100% believe that God placed this book in my life, and enticed me to read it only when He thought I was ready to learn. I've written a few other posts about this book before and as I think back to the times I picked up the book I am overwhelmed by God's sovereignty through something I love to do like reading!

I first picked up the book when my friend sent it to me, and I didn't get it. I read the first few pages and felt like I was reading a cartoon (it's a 221 page allegory). But ultimately I know that my heart and my head weren't ready for the impact that book would have on me at that time. I picked it up again on a Saturday in June and only read a few pages, but the following Sunday in church I was impressed to give up a big burden which I wrote about in this post. Little did I know that one of the supporting characters in the book would be named "Sorrow." In September
I wrote this post about learning to wait on God and his timing... I was getting back into an unsettled state and the Lord revealed himself to me through the book once again. I have written in this book more than I ever did a textbook or my own bible even. I just wrote the truth's that occurred to me as I read, I wrote notes to help myself look back and understand, and I wrote comments to show where I was in my Valleys, as Much Afraid traveled through her own. Seriously, here is the evidence...

Any one who has read my blog before knows that the Valley I have traveled through since June of 2009 is learning how to live without my best friend... without my daddy. This entire book is about journey, from a Valley into the High Places (Heaven) to be with the Shepherd (God). There were times when the journey seemed as if it would never end, but then the traveler, named Much Afraid, would come to a place of rest. She literally built altars as she learned different things, and in the end... well... I don't want to ruin the story... but those monuments were used for His glory in a very specific to the character way. At the end of the first chapter I wrote the following notes:
- God plants the seed of salvation - though he may use others to do it.
- God chooses specific people to support and guide us on our journey out of the Valley.
- We have the power to resist temptation and not fall victim to our disfigurements through Christ, but we have to choose to use that power.
- God suffers through our sorrows with us. God is not exempt from being vulnerable to pain as a result of love even though He created both. He feels our sorrows, but He also feels pain when we cause Him to by disobedience... because He loves us so much.

Today I sat down and wrote a few major lessons I have learned from this book. I asked God after Daddy died to teach me through it, to not let me waste the heartache and not learn from it... so I'm going to add these to the list of lessons learned, and therefore answered prayers since his death.

1) Sorrow and Suffering do not have to be your enemies - if you let them, they can be the most comforting friends you can ever know... they can eventually become Joy and Peace. I have learned more about my God, about myself, about my faith with them as my companions than any other time in my life. Joy is easier to obtain than Peace, but I don't believe you can truly have Joy in a situation without Peace.

2) The Valleys in life are for a purpose... even (I believe) one of Daddy's biggest tasks/goals in life was for his children to know and love the Lord - How much satisfaction must he have knowing that my darkest valley in life has brought me closer to God.... I mean I am physically farther away from my earthly father as I can ever be, but closer to my Heavenly Father than I have ever been.

3) I have been challenged to live in the place He puts me (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually)... to really be there and to learn all I can and serve all I can because I will be there "until he makes me what he has determined I ought to be. (HFonHP, Chapter 13)" He has me here for a reason and I may never understand why, but I will not move on until I have learned what I need to, or served who I need to. I have to come to peace with the unknown factor of my future ... which is always on my heart. For if I am constantly living for the future (thoughts of future jobs, husband, children, etc...) then I can't learn what I need to learn now.

4) If I'm in a valley... learn from it. And as hard as it is, rejoice in the lessons learned there. In fact, lessons learned in the valleys are the hardest to learn, therefore they should be celebrated even more.

5) There will always be unanswered questions... but peace with the unanswered questions is the ultimate goal.

6) Don't be your worst critic like "Much Afraid" (the main character) was. She was not confident in who she was, and members of her own family were sent to highlight all of her insecurities. Those insecurities, much to their dismay were the things that the Shepherd used to turn her into her new self (trying not to give anything away!). We should not be out own worst critic, because Satan already has that job. The more confident we are in the person He has created us to be... the easier we are able to ignore Satan's criticisms that come in all different forms.

There are so many comments that I wrote in the margins of this book that I could share, but after reading back through it... one in particular caught my attention:

The Shepherd laughed too. 'I love doing preposterous things," he replied. "Why, I don't know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and that which has been marred into perfection. (HFonHP, chapter 9)

My comment from this passage,

{HE is the only one who can do this...} 

When we are in those moments of fear or weakness... maybe both, our faith in the One who created us... the only One who can turn our weaknesses into strength, the only One who can lead us from the Valley to the Mountaintop, the only One who can change Sorrow into Joy... that faith is what guides us on this journey through life. He is willing to do those preposterous things in us if we are open to it... You see I think this concept of choice is both freeing and convicting, because we choose to follow or disobey. We choose to listen or to ignore. We choose to be open to Him or we don't allow Him in. Along the Much Afraid did have doubts, but she followed even when she have peace about it... but eventually that faith to follow led her to a place like none other. It led her to become who He determined she should be... 

If you are in one of those Valleys, and can handle a really long allegory... I definitely suggest this book. But... even if you can't handle it, if you ask Him I am confident that He will use something in your life to teach you the lessons you need to learn... and I'm truly thankful for these He has taught me.

Love y'all, 

Kacey 

Roots,Trees and a lesson on Seasons of Life...

I was driving back to Birmingham today, and once again an observation of nature brought forth thoughts to ponder...

If you drive I-20/59 thru Tuscaloosa it is very obvious where April's tornado traveled. You can see trees blown sideways and the path the storm took. It was these trees, and this path which got me to thinking... you see there were bare trees next to fruitful ones. There were tall pines with needles next to skinny trunks without a stitch of green to be seen. Some of both, the bare and the fruitful, were interspersed right next to each other. It caused me to wonder how one could have been hit by the storm and not the other, and also (this thought just occuring to me now as I write this) that maybe both were hit but only one recovered... only one's roots were strong enough to bear fruit again. I think we, God's children, are just like these trees. We can only see each other on the outside, we can only see the physical scars of life's storms... we can't see the roots that have created us to be who we are. Those roots may be strong, they may be weak... they may be rooted just enough to help us hold on during the torments of life, but praise God we have those roots and they are what we make of them.

Daddy once pointed out a twisted little tree to me as we were walking through the woods by our house. Now you have to know, the land I grew up on was literally twenty or thirty yards from acres and acres of pines that are harvested every twenty years or so... so there were a lot of trees to look at. This little twisted tree though was a lesson that I'll never forget. I asked Daddy why the tree was growing differently than all the others, and he explained it like this...

{... it had a rough childhood.}

Now I know that the rough childhood he spoke of was weather, but once again... we are like these trees. That little one who was twisted and marred by a storm still grew strong and tall, it just carried the "memories" of the bad times with it. But ultimately, it grew... isn't that what matters? We must, as indivuduals, determine how we are going to make it through the rough seasons in life... whether our roots are supporting us or are holding us back in a place (or a person) we don't want to be.

As I looked at those trees in Tuscaloosa I wondered how God picked the path of that F5 tornado that took so many lives... How did one tree survive to bloom this season and another not. Though that other tree may bloom in a year or so... right now it looks dead, it looks sad. How much are we like those trees sometime in life. One friend may be having a fine season of growth, while another is dealing with a death in the family or loss of a job. We must always remember, however, that though this season we may be blooming, the next tornado or hurricane of a cancer scare or quarter life crisis may hit us and hit us hard. What shall we do in those situations? We must make the decision to grow. We must make the decision to use these storms to dig our supporting roots deeper in our faith and our experiences and not to let them hold us back and stifle our growth because if they do, we cannot progress and process through that season. Lucky for us, the seasons in our lives don't stick to an Equinox/Solstice calendar. They may last a day, a month, a few years... but once again, we are put in those seasons by our Lord, for a reason. I think the goal for me during any season is not to find out why I am there, but simply to learn from it, to add it to my roots... because no matter what season in life it may be, I choose for those scars, those storms, those blooms to help me grow in my own time.

I am in a season right now, and have been for quite a while, in which I am seeking to determine God's will for me professionally. Frankly, I've been in this season longer than I would like...but it's the season He has me in and it is where I will be till I have learned what He wants me to. I accept that and I seek to learn.

I pray that 2012 is a good one for us all. I pray that the Lord sees fit for me to move on to another season in life and that I will have learned from the one I am in now. I pray that storms won't hit me or those I hold dear this year, but if and when they do I pray we will learn, and process, and progress thru them.

Love y'all,
Kacey

Curse of the Night Owl... an observation on Choice

I don't know why... but over the last few months I have seriously reverted to my college ways of being a night owl. Only difference, during college I took naps, now... not so much. Maybe it is because I live within earshot of 150 other girls and they just wear (off) on me. But oh well, I guess my curse of being a night owl is your reading material. 


I thought it would be good to explain a bit in this post... a bit about where I am in life at the moment. 2011 has been a growth (and loss - in a good way) year for me. In March I had a weird dream which kicked my hypochondriaticness into overdrive. But that dream led to a doctor's appointment, which led to (at this point) a loss of 65 pounds (The first picture is in April of 2011, the second is in October). 

In the months since that change I have been doing a lot to physically change aspects about myself, making better choices about food and activities... but I have more importantly been working on improving my wisdom of the Lord and my knowledge of myself... my interests, developing my creativity, and trying... trying to hard to just listen to what the Lord has to say to me.

The choices we make can change our lives, and as I was reading back over some notes in my bible tonight, that theory was strongly reinforced. Though he made a GIANT mistake, I can identify a little bit with Esau and his hunger, and that hunger, and the choice that resulted from it, should serve as a warning to us all. 

Isau's issues all started with being hungry: 

²⁹ Now Jacob cooked a stew; and Esau came in from the field, and he was weary.

 ³⁰ And Esau said to Jacob, “Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am weary.” Therefore his name was called Edom.

³¹ But Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright as of this day.” 

³² And Esau said, “Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?” 

³³ Then Jacob said, “Swear to me as of this day.” So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob. 

³⁴ And Jacob gave Esau bread and stew of lentils; then he ate and drank, arose, and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright. 

(Genesis 25:29-34)

Sometimes in life we take our God given blessings for granted. In this situation, Esau took his God given birthright for granted... and it changed his life forever. He considered that birthright nothing if he could not survive ("I am about to die, verse 32) to claim it. Often times when talking about God in the Old Testament, we reference him as follows...

"The God of Abraham, Isaac, and _____"

That blank is generally filled with the name Jacob. But consider this, if Esau had not been so desperate for his desire (food) that he gave up his birthright... his name would be in that blank. His name would be tied to powerful God who did so many mighty works in the Old Testament (and of course for all time, but for this point I'll stick to the OT). He would be considered one of the giants of the Old Testament, not his baby brother. 

Now of course if you read the story of Esau and Jacob frankly it reads like a soap opera (Chapters 26 and 27). There are lies, deceit, elaborate costumes, and games, from both sides... no one in that family was innocent of being dishonest, not even Issac himself (for he knew that Esau had given up his birthright, but intended to give him the blessing of it regardless, 27:1-4). but ultimately, my reflections on it lead to one simply, but lifechanging word. 

CHOICE.

Esau made a choice. He made a choice to give up his father's blessing for some food. 

“Ah, the smell of my son 

is like the smell of a field

that the LORD has blessed. 

²⁸ May God give you heaven’s dew

and earth’s richness—    

an abundance of grain and new wine. 

²⁹ May nations serve you    

and peoples bow down to you. 

Be lord over your brothers,    

and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. 

May those who curse you be cursed    

and those who bless you be blessed.”

If you read this blessing closely, Esau gave up  Property, Power, and Place. And because of that he lost hope. I mean literally, the heading in my bible of Genesis 27:30, says "Esau's Lost Hope"... all for some stew. 

How many times in life do we give up our Father's blessings for some stew? I think practically applied our "stew" can be the opinion of other, the approval or our peers, Keeping up with the Jones'... How many times do we put our faith on the backburner for friends, for work, for other passions? His blessing should be something we are desperate for. Over the last few months I have laid it all out for Him, and become willing to sit and wait till He is done with me, or to pack up and go wherever He leads.But if I am to bypass those peace's I have come to for a whim of an adventure, am I not making a choice to give up His blessing and His plan for me? Think about how that applies to you and your life. In the places that God is leading you... if you choose to meet some other unnecessary need becuase you don't know if you'll ever receive his blessing or not, well... then you are making a choice... and a really really bad one. 

Esau took his birthright for granted. At the end of the charade put on by Rebekah and Jacob, Esau truly realizes what he cannot have. 

³⁸ Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? 

Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud.

Genesis 27:38

He weeps desperately for his father's blessing that he has given up. Do we not, should we not do the same? 

Please, let Esau's mistake serve as a warning to us all... a warning that when you are to receive a blessing from your Heavenly Father... don't let ANYTHING come between or distract you from that blessing. Don't let your name be left off of the most powerful family tree of the old testament. No one can take God's blessing from you, unless you make the choice to give it up. 

Choose to keep it... and don't let anything pursuade you to give it away.

Love Y'all, 

KC

Dear Midway, Thank you for being the Lighthouse.

It's been over a month since I posted something, but I can assure you it has not been a month since my head has been full of thoughts I wanted to post... God keeps giving me these thoughts on Him, and generally I write them down in my bible (lately during sermons which spur the thoughts)... but then they just become bookmarks. I thought I would try to post a few of those over the next few days... but for tonight, I wanted to share some thoughts regarding my home church. 


In December Midway First Baptist Church will celebrate 125 years of existence. 


Midway is the first church I remember attending. It is where I learned about God and His Son from women like Mrs. Willie Ruth, Mrs. Fee, Mrs. Liz, Mrs. Debbie... these are just a few of the women who taught me in Sunday School or VBS, or even them small stint when we had GA classes. I can remember sitting at the little table in the blue room with rainbows on the wall and curtains that were printed with colorful hearts, and learning the stories of Noah, Cain & Able, and Jesus feeding the multitudes on the felt board. Pastors like Bro. Chris, Bro. Murphy, and Bro. Carmichal who preached the Word of the Lord to our congregation, provided me with leadership from a very young age, and taught me to listen and respect what the Lord teaches us from the pulpit. As youth, we were taught by our parents and others in the church , like Buddy and Karen, who loved us enough to take time from their lives to share His love with us through more than word, but action. 

This was how I learned who He is.

Ladies like Mrs. Betty, Aunt Dena, Mrs. Catherine, Mrs. Lois and Mawmaw Cole taught me by example what it is to serve your church and your community. These dedicated women, and SO many more were (and many still are) always around to take care of the rest of us in the most simple ways, like preparing meals after the death of a loved one, decorating the church for holidays and events, or simply by meeting the needs of someone in the community by helping them pay a light or water bill. Pawpaw Cole, Mr. Bob, Bro. Brand, Bro. Kenneth, Mr. Benny, Mr. Jody, Mr. Pascall... these men have shown themselves to be dedicated servants to the church through their actions, whether it be mowing the grass, running the sound system, handing out bulletins, or simply always being consistently present. All of these men and women quietly set an example for the rest of us of how to serve others. 

This is how I learned what He does.

Midway gave me the opportunity to go abroad for the first time. I'll never forget Bro. Ralph Brand encouraging me to go to Honduras just because I was taking Spanish 1 in High School... little did he know that because of that trip I went on at the age of 16 I would develop a love for the language and culture that would lead to a Bachelors degree in International Studies and Spanish. I remember being astonished that mom and daddy would even let me go on the trip, but they trusted those I would be traveling with from Midway and because of that God gave me a perspective and interest outside of my comfort zone. Outside of my red brick, protestant, middle class Southern community... He showed me true poverty, He showed me homes made from tin, cardboard, and plastic sitting on the side of a mountain, but at the same time showed me true joy in the midst of such need. 

This is how I learned where He is.

 ---------

Last weekend, the church held a Homecoming service to celebrate the anniversary of Midway's founding and the theme was "The Lighthouse" I have a few observations from that service that I want to share. Honestly they don't correlate very well on paper... but they are things He showed me, and words shared from Him, so that's really all that matters, isn't it. :) 


Observation #1: Christians as a lighthouse, not a comfortable thing...:

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

(Matthew 5:14-16)

Most sermons I have heard on these verses focus on the light, but I had a thought pertaining to the darkness. No, these verses don't specifically mention darkness... but how we should treat our "light," how we should share out "light," and how we should show our "light." The thought I had with all of this though is what importance does light have without considering the darkness. If we only think about our light, and don't think about where it needs to be... then what is the point of it? We have to think of the darkness to understand the importance of our light. 

 In Ephesians the Bible says that once we become light (5:8) we are to "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness,  but rather expose them. (5:11)" But in order to expose, one must go share it, and if God commands us to shine our light so it brings light to others... then it makes sense that we would have to do that in a place that needs it, in a place that has no light. We simply have to be careful that we are only exposing the darkness, not taking part in it or encouraging it. My pastor here in Birmingham said something once that I immediately wrote in my bible, and I believe it is very comforting regarding taking light into darkness. 

{The will of God will not will not lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you.}

- Dr. Danny Wood

So... if we are to truly be a lighthouse, and reflect His light... we may have to step out of our comfort zones to take the light to others... but it is important to remember, that He is in all things, because He creates all things. 

Observation #2: Nothing Surprises God... so follow His lead and His leadership:

On the morning of the Homecoming service I was sitting on the front porch having my quiet time praying about some changes going on within the church... and as He sometimes does, God made me laugh. Here's how: 

"Whatever one is, he has been named already" 

(Ecclesiastes 6:10)

Plain and simple people - Nothing surprises God.

Often times leaders of a church make decisions that not everyone in a church agrees with or take the time to understand. Like good baptists we like to take a vote to see if anyone is opposed. But God doesn't work like a baptist business meeting. If every member of the church is opposed, but God is in favor... well, we are gonna lose out because He wins... that's just the way it works friends... God's Will will be done in all things, because ALL things are known by Him waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy before they happen. If we truly trust our church leaders, those who HE has ordained as leaders in our church, then we will trust their decisions and trust their appointments as well. I know a lot of pastors and a lot of people on staff at different churches, and they are all extremely prayerful about the decisions they make that affect others. Whether you have 1 pastor like Midway or 5 Pastors and 7 Ministers like Shades... we must trust their leadership for our churches, we must trust their relationship with our God and His ordained servants. If we don't understand a decision ask for an explanation from your pastor and discuss it with him, pray for clarity from God... and then support the decision. Because just like everything else in church, it ain't about us... our sole purpose in creation is to glorify God.

Observation #3: His timing is impeccable:

During the service there were several mentions of members of the church who have made an impact in their own ways. Bro. Kenneth mentioned that he missed Pawpaw Cole and Daddy... and everyone in our pews (Aunt Judy and her family, Mom, Shane, me, Aunt Lanell, and Kristen) immediately began crying... because missing them just doesn't describe how I (we) feel most days. My Uncle Terry, with a tearful voice, said the offertory prayer, and the following song was sang. As I said before, God doesn't do coincidence... 

I will serve thee

                                                                  Because I love thee

You have given life to me

I was nothing

Until you found me

You have given life to me

Heartaches, broken pieces

Ruined lives are why you died on Calvary

Your touch, was what I longed for

You have given life to me

I will serve thee

Because I love thee

You have given life to me

I was nothing

Until you found me

You have given life to me

He is the reason I can get through every day... because the parts of me that broke when Daddy died... He gave me life through that... He died on Calvary so that Daddy can be in Heaven right now and one day I'll see him again... He is the only reason I can do anything in this life... because  He  has given me life, and a purpose to serve. 

---------

I've been at Midway on and off my entire life, consistently for the first 18 years, and when I'm home to visit for the last 10... I'm always encouraged and supported by the people there. I'm thankful for that lighthouse that taught me and showed me so much... that fostered and encouraged me to become the person I am... that supported me and uplifted me in prayers through the worst days of my life... I am thankful for the example, and commit to reflect that light wherever I am and where ever I go. 

Love Y'all, 

Kacey 

Why I love Jesus now, but I'll love Him more later...

This morning as I got ready for church I had a realization... I am so selfish! 


I miss daddy so much - I analyze his death, and I don't see any explanation of why he medically could not have been healed... worse cases have of Leukemia have survived longer than 3 weeks after diagnosis. To me, there is no other explanation than my Heavenly Father wanted my earthly father back... 

... but that doesn't usually stop the selfish thoughts. 

There are so many moments in my future I think of... moments I want him to be physically right beside me. Specifically, when I will one day {hopefully} be walking down an aisle in a beautiful white dress toward a man I love and he would tell everyone present that he was giving me away... but in order for that to happen, to be able to do that, he would have to leave Heaven... his mansion... the physical presence of God. As I think of that, I realize it is the most selfish desire there is - for him to leave Heaven, even if he could, to come be with me. 


In church this morning we sang the hymn My Jesus I Love Thee, and I just stopped to listen to the words:

1. My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
   For Thee all the follies of sin I resign;
   My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
2. I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me,
   And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree;
   I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
3. I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
   And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
   And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,

I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;

I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow,

If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

This song, I realized this morning, goes through our Faith from repentance to eternity in Heaven. As we sang, the reality of the words hit me... my daddy is in a "Mansion of Glory" and "endless delight." (How could I possibly ask him to leave that?!) He is singing in that voice I miss so much, with a "glittering crown" on his brow... not a cap, not a cowboy hat... a crown! The mental image of that is so intense for me. So real. 

The verses of the song all end in the same way, "If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now." As I mentioned this song speaks of certain stages of Faith: 

• Verse 1: Repentance
• Verse 2: Salvation (Death to Self/Alive in Christ)
• Verse 3: Physical Death
• Verse 4: Eternity in Heaven 

The song, therefore, serves as a reminder that in all stages of our lives as a Christian, we are to love Him. Though I am strictly paraphrasing here, I feel like this is what the author, William R. Featherston, is saying:

"You know God... I thought I loved You when You forgave me, but I loved You more as my Savior... but wait, No... I loved You more when You were with me as You gave me my last breath and I left this earthly home for my heavenly one... but Lord once again I was wrong, I could have never loved you more than I do right now, right here in Heaven, delighting in Your presence and Your glory."

Each stage of his Faith, he loved his Jesus more and more... 

My daddy is no different, and we will not be either. Through these last few years, I've learned to love Him more. As I age (in both numbers, but more importantly in wisdom) I will love Him more. And when my time comes, when death's dew is cold on my brow, I will love Him more as I enter those mansions of Glory, see my daddy, and meet my Father. 

When I have those selfish moments, this is what I need to remember... because even if it was possible for him to leave, after the mental image of him in Heaven, I don't know that I could bring myself to ask him to give that up... How could I possibly wish that away for him or any other that I miss so dearly. 

I can't... 

I won't. 

-------

If ever I loved the My Jesus, 'tis now. You have brought me through so much and I praise you and thank you for those moments, but Lord... on these selfish days and all others, give me strength and give me peace. 

Love Y'all, 

Kacey

Lessons from a bike wreck...

This morning I thought of a memory of a major bike wreck I had as a kid... it hurt so bad, and my leg was scratched and scraped, but I didn't care -- it was like I didn't even feel it, as if the slow stream of blood making its way down my leg did not flow into my cuffed white sock, changing its color from white to crimson. I seemed to ignore the sight of torn flesh now covered in dirst, rather than my pale paternally inherited non-tanable (is that a word?) skin.


There was a reason I ignored this pain, A reason I didn't give a second thought to my now bloody sock or the scars the crash might have caused... 

... my daddy was home.

The only thing between me and my daddy, who had been offshore on the rig for 2 weeks, was the 200 or so yards from our house to Mawmaw and Pawpaw Cole's house. Of course my childhod locgic figured that riding my bike could be faster than walking, But in my haste to see my daddy, my daddy who rarely left for an offsure hitch without a note or drawing from me hidden in his bag, I didn't prepare for the trip. 

I didn't tie my shoe. 

You see - this whole ordeal, the culprit which interrupted my journey to see my daddy, was a shoelace. One long thin, seemingly harmless, piece of white material prevented me from reaching my goal by becoming entangled around my bike pedal. The string wound itself so tight that the pedal would no longer turn, causing me and my bicycle to take a dive sideways and planting my leg, not literally bound to the pedal, between the gravel of the driveway and the pink and thite Huffy of my childhood. 

I cried a bit, and I probably cussed at that shoelace as only a child could... I'm sure "darn" and "heck" were muttered right htere on the side of Old Highway 24, but ultimately that little piece of fabric was not to blame.

I was. 

Me... little wavy haired, freckle faced me. 

As I reflected on this memory today I realized that it was not an untied shoelce that caused this wreck, but it was my lack of preparation for the journey. The shoe lace could not tie itself... and I didn't take the time to do it. 

How often do we NOT take the time to prepare ourselves for the journeys we endeavor or the meetings we encounter in life? I can think of many scenarios to which this question applies, but the only one of true importance is that of my relationship with my Heavenly Daddy. 

With such anticipation to see daddy's face I became distracted and had tunnel vision - tunnel vision which made me oblivious to things outside of my immediate plan (to get to Mawmaws to see daddy). How often do we get so focused on reaching a goal that we don't prepare ourselves to do it? We become the bike wreck in the journey to our destination. We become the force that prevents achieving the goal because we don't look at the big picture. 

Instead of seeing a bicycle, an untied shoelace, 200 yards of distance and loose gravel                                   - we see daddy's truck in the driveway.

In the same way, how often do we ignore Salvation, 

 ⁹ that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 

(Romans 10:9-10)

Good Works, 

¹⁰ For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. 

(Ephesians 2:10)

Sharing the Gospel, 

¹⁹ Go therefore^[c] and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28: 19-20)

Discipleship, 

¹⁹ Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 

(Matthew 5:19)

and Obedience...

²³ Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. ²⁴ He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me. 

(John 14:23-24)

...by only focusing on the blessings we seek from the Lord. 

If I truly consider my own life, there are times when my prayers have been more like sending God a "To Do List" Memo of the things I want rather than a meetings with him regarding repentance and his will. 

Memo____________________________

To:God

From: Kacey

Re: Things to do in Kacey's life

1. do this...

2. do that...

3. I want this...

4. I want that...

5. Fix this...

6. Fix that...

Thanks! 

_________________________________

Our prayers should not be focused on self, we should not pull the "child of God" card, only when we need something from Him. Our focus should be on the relationship and its requirements/expectations, not on what we can get out of it... because ultimately tunnel vision causes us to lose focus on the big picture - which should be glorifying to our Creator, not the blessings we might receive for doing so. 

Moral of the story, 

{ALWAYS tie your shoes!}

Take the time to prepare yourself for your journey by seeking Him, by consulting Him and doing His will. 

Just as I allowed my journey to be intterrupted because I didn't tie my shoe, don't let yours get interrupted by Selfishness: 

My will, not Thy will... 

and Disobedience

Lack of tithing (yes, it IS disobedience)

Lack of studying

Lack of action

Keep focused on your goal, but always be aware of the importance of preparing yourself to meet it. Remember that you may have a fall along the way or a distraction that causes the journey to take longer - But learn from the wrecks and distractions so that you will not fall victim to those culprits in the future. 

¹³ Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. ¹⁴ As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. ¹⁵ But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; ¹⁶ for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

(1 Peter 1: 13- 16)

I did eventually make it to my grandparents' house to see my daddy, and we enjoyed out time together until it was once again time for me to hide another note in his big blue bag 2 weeks later. The cycle started again, anticipating the day he could return home... but I never again rode my bike without checking my shoelaces. 

Love Y'all, 

Kacey