Lately I've been very uninspired... and how incredibly dramatic does that sound?!! I think I've just gotten myself into a stagnant place... and that's not a comfortable place to be. I think too much... I analyze too much. And when I analyze too much I think too much... see my confused pattern. I'v been reading Chambers'
My utmost for His highest and there is much talk of His Will and my calling... so I'm trying to take the hint and reflect on those things. I've made these lists, of things I love to do, things I feel called to do, and things I'm good at... and I'm reflecting on those to try and recognize what I am supposed to do when I grow up (a little late, aren't I?). Sometimes when I get to that point where I've been thinking too much. I pick up a brush, I pick a color and I begin to paint. Usually I don't know what the plan for the painting (much like life...)... but I proceed with painting.
Art is therapuetic for me. I enjoy painting... and often I just do it for myself but recently I've been toying with the idea of selling painting to help make some extra money for a mission trip and other things. I was staring at a canvas the other night... and really began to think of the beuty in the paint. You see, I don't like the paint to be crisp and clean, lines unmarred and straight. I think it's beautiful when the colors mix and bleed and run... when they come together to create something I didn't intend... it's a beautiful thing. One the pallate where I put the paint, it ends up being layer over layer throughtout time... and I love the way the paint looks, in it's rubbery texture, when the colors mix, but are still representative of their original hue. I think that pallate represents community... and can represent the individual. Everyone brings their own color to a community... and eventually you mix together to become one, but you are still an individual... but the beauty of the mixture would be less without you... the depth and diversity not as strong, you... the individual are important and you have your place in your community, whatever that community may be.
I was working on this canvas with a lot of different colors the other night... I didn't want it to have a solid background, but wanted it to me more of a faded colors effect. While I was mixing the colors, I realized that my life, our lives, is very much like a painting. It started with different colors squirted onto a white canvas. The white canvas can represent how we enter the world pure, with no experiences. The different colored paint... our life experiences. The brush, I think the brush represents God's will... and what He allows. He said himself in my favorite verse, that " we are his workmanship..." (Ephesians 2:10) so He is calling Himself the artist. With every stroke of that mixed paint across the canvas, the painting changes. Perfection is unattainable on a painting like this becuase it's not the goal, in fact, every mistake can make it better. I believe this is true with life too... I know my name isn't Jesus, so I can't be perfect. And though I try to avoid the mistakes, if I learn from them... they make me better. Maybe this is why I like painting so much. It's controlled to a point. I can pick the colors and where they go... but I actually don't determine how it turns out... because I don't know how those colors are going to dry until they do. I love the way you can spray water on a canvas and the colors will run... but it can make it look better. You can paint in circles or straight lines and it will make things turn out completely different... just like life's choices... what we choose to do can make things turn out completely differently.
I also like that painting is completely personal. They may not be the most beautiful things in the world... but when I give someone a painting or when I make something for someone... I'm showing them what's in my head... and yeah generally it includes bright happy colors... but it will represent me as long as someone knows that I painted it, and that makes an impact on me.
So there are a few life lessons from paint. I'm going to go back to working on that canvas now. :)
Love Y'all,
Kacey
