the Bull Riding bond...

I had a lot of bonds with my daddy... but i think the most unique was probably our love of watching bull riding. It all started during the summers I was home during college. There was one tv in the house, and if daddy was home, we watched what he watched... and he watched bull riding. I guess I started watching between freshmen and sophomore year, because I can remember watching it in my room in the residence hall... Daddy would call me after a good ride, and I would call him to talk about the event when it was over... on weekends when we were both home, we would watch together and usually keep mom up from yelling at the TV while it was on (we liked to enthusiastically cheer the riders on... well, I still do.).


Last Spring (2009), PBR came to Birmingham and Daddy actually took 2 days off work so that he could come to town and we could go together. We had a really good time until his boss called him to go to work on the 2nd day and he had to leave early. We actually got to be apart of the audience that we saw on TV every week... and that's a memory I will never forget. I'll never forget watching daddy as he had a conversation with his favorite rider, Mike Lee (who won the 2004 World Finals Event and Championship). He never told me what they talked about... but I'm sure he shared his mind with Mike... and I know daddy enjoyed the conversation too.

After Daddy died... watching PBR (pbrnow.com if you want to learn more) is just not the same. It reminds me of him so much... and the unique interest in a sport we both loved to watch. I didn't share that interest with anyone but him, and to this day I always want to talk to him about it after I watch an event. Luckily, mom has started watching more often... we texted back and forth about it tonight, and we may take a mini vacay to Vegas next year to go to the Finals (though Daddy probably wouldn't be a huge fan of that)... I really appreciate that mom has somewhat taken up an interest in PBR so that I do have someone to share it with...

This is Mike Lee from the NOLA event in April '10

Guillerme Marchi at BHam event in March '10 (mine and Daddy's first time to watch PBR live)

Obviously bull riding was not the only bond Daddy and I shared... I don't think I could list them all. Today is one of those days that I think about him a lot, and the weirdness that he is not present in my life anymore. It's been 17 months since he died... but sometimes I still have to think about it, about that horrible day to remember that he isn't here on earth with me any more. Today I was thinking of this as I was driving around town. In a way I think I feel guilty for how little I mourned my grandparent's death in relation to his. Yes, I miss seeing them... but I don't ache for them like I do daddy. I don't weep for their loss like I do his... and I don't know that that will ever stop. I truly don't. I believe that there will always be times (and they are getting fewer and farther between) when I just cry... for no particular reason other than something reminds me of him.

I try to imagine what life is like for them in Heaven. John 14:2 the bible says:

{In My Father's house are many mansions , if it were not so, I would have told you.}

I wonder if each dwelling place is unique to it's resident. But at the same time... if all we do in Heaven is Praise and Glorify God... do we have a need for a unique residence. If we do... are we in areas with our loved ones? Does Pawpaw have his lawnmower? I feel like Heaven is a subject I should study more... what is the reality of our eternal dwelling place?

As I looked up the above verse... I had to laugh at the John 14:1. It's one of those moments where God hits you in the head with a reminder that He is here, right beside me as I cry about missing daddy, and type it out for whoever may be reading it.

{Let not your heard be troubled;

you believe in God, believe also in Me.}

John 14:1

Love Y'all, Kacey

Are you Free?

Easter weekend was wonderful...

Lots of Family...

Great Weather...

and Professional Bull Riding...

For my birthday this year mom, Shane, and I went to New Orleans to watch the PBR... and despite multiple criticisms of my driving... I really enjoyed the weekend. Bull Riding was something that Daddy and I shared interest in... and I really appreciated mom and Shane joining in and seemingly having a good time!

We didn't make it to church on Easter Sunday, but mom and I did go to Cowboy Church on Saturday. During the service, the PBR Pastor and one of the bull riders talked about their visit to Angola State Prison. Despite the fact that (I believe they said) 80% of the men in Angola are there for life... the riders talked about how so many Christian men in Angola seemed to be free. Free as in Freedom. The big question of the day was, ARE YOU FREE? As they talked about the things that hold us back from freely worshipping and doing the work of the Lord without abandon... I immediately thought about my life... what holds me back from doing whatever He asks.

1. my goals for myself... the things I plan for myself without considering His plan. It is not bad to have goals, but one must be flexible in seeking those goals to accommodate the will of God.

2. bills... I simply need to make enough money to pay for myself to live...

3. Job... do I invest too much time in something I simply get paid to do or is my job a ministry opportunity? I seriously believe that God has called me to work with college students... but am I meeting the potential that He expects?

4. Others' perception... whether it is my mama, my boss, or the guy I pass in the grocery... am I limiting my outward expression of praise and worship for the Lord because of what other people might think?? The only person I need to please is God... to heaven with the others...

During Cowboy Church they referenced the parallel between breaking a wild horse and a Christians relationship with sin. I found the video online and it was such an amazing visual example of how we as Christian have to become broken to trust the Lord. It's about 20 minutes long, but well worth the watch. Please check out the video at: http://www.ridinghighministries.org/ , look for the "Born Wild Created to be Free" square at the bottom of the page in the list of videos. There are testimonies from some of the Bull Riders as well...

On Sunday afternoon as we were sitting around Mawmaw and Pawpaw Cole's gallery (the front porch), and I looked around at everyone and realized that it just didn't feel right without Daddy there. For a moment it felt like he was just gone to work, but then I figured... if he wasn't having a good conversation in Heaven (which I am sure there is a lot of), He was probably just sitting around the porch observing the rest of us...

Here are a few pictures from my weekend at home.



Cassidy, Wyatt, Will, and Anna Catherine



I'm in love with this picture of Savannah...



Savannah and Jayce before hunting eggs...



Not the best place to end up after a ride...